Feeling Foggy

So, I have depression. It is different for everyone and I’m sure there’s always someone else who has it worse but this is my space.

For me, depression is this perpetual fog that I’m stuck in, trying to push forward only to see more fog. Not only that but the fog whispers things to me, a voice called anxiety, which only adds to the struggle of getting through the fog.

It whispers things like “sure things are going fine now but remember when you said that thing a few years back and you looked so stupid…” and “stop talking, nobody likes you. You talk way too much. Nobody cares what you have to say.”

And it’s hard to go on fighting when everything seems to be working against you, pinning you against yourself in the worst possible way.

There are two options, always: give up or keep moving. Here’s how I keep moving:

  • Staying Active (not just in the obvious way)
    • While I don’t feel like doing anything, I still make myself do things. For instance, I obviously have an abundance of writing projects. I work on those. And even if my mind doesn’t want to let me write, I still sit at my desk (or in my bed…) and read over stuff I’ve already written. I feel that the creativity helps with relieving feelings of self-doubt and self-hate, especially when looking at my own creations.
    • Working out at home is something I do as well, even if I  literally just lay on my bed and do some leg lifts. I find that doing something like that makes me feel good about myself and also might make my body look good which again makes me feel good and the rambling about this stops now.
    • I watch non-excitable shows like Family Guy or American Dad. When I mean non-excitable, I mean a show that won’t bring up my anxiety because I get what is called hyper-vigilant after watching a show where someone gets kidnapped or raped where I become hyper aware of my surroundings and obsessed with taking fighting classes or researching how to escape the trunk of a car.
    • I go for a walk. Nuff said.

And that’s me.

People who are depressed: how do you describe it? Do you feel foggy or is it something else? How do you push through? Comment below!

 

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